I went to my friend's funeral last Saturday morning, and I learned a few things about him...like, he was not "socially awkward" in his call to the church and community that he served...it made me think. He was, it seemed, out of place at seminary, but then, so was I...very much so, in fact. So much so that at the funeral, only one of the 3 folks I saw from seminary even acknowleged me.(yes, I smiled at and acknowleged them) I really do try to avoid "obsessive naval gazing" yet, the experience did bring a flood of memories...none of them pleasant...about my time in seminary. I went to seminary because God called me to go...I went out of obedience. I did not fit in there....and the longer I was there, the more apparent this became. So what? one might ask...so what, indeed. God has called me to 2 jobs that seem to be a good "fit" for me. I am, as best I can tell, respected and am able to minister to people in a way that is meaningful for them...some folks probably would even say they "like" me. How quickly, though, do those painful memories of the recent past(and that are tied to many memories of the more distant past) come slithering and screeching out of their hiding places to torment me yet again. It is only by the grace of God that I am able to re-gain my center...although, admittedly, there is much to learn and process from all this, I think. I do so only as it serves to further my ability to serve God by serving his people...not to indulge in sorry self pity and obsessive naval gazing. May God have mercy on me.