It has been so long since I wrote anything here...this whole blogging thing is still very strange for me...and I work so hard and have almost no brain juice left for such as this...anyway...as an update to my last post...it finally did happen...the fallout from the "Blessing..." serve...a matriarch of the congregation left the church because I opened the church to the animals...there were dogs in the Sanctuary....she said it was more than she could bear. I have been through a myriad of feelings and reactions to this, and don't have the energy to write them now...but one thing, I wonder, do people in the congregation realize how bonded the pastor can feel to those hearts and spirits and faces that they look out upon during worship week after week? I can't really remember what it was like to be just a member of the congregation...even though it was not all that many years ago, but I suspect that I had no idea of the bond that exists. Of course, it could just be me and who I am as a minister/pastor/priest etc. Maybe other ministers don't feel this way, but I miss the regular folks when they are not there, and the woman who left was the one that was a sort of "benchmark" for me as I pondered and wrote the sermons week after week...and, so, what do I do with that? Let it go, I guess. Take it in stride and all that, but still, I feel sad about it all. This whole thing of being a pastor is still, and probably always will be, rather surreal for me...I still can't picture myself as a church pastor, even though I have been for over 3 years now. Of course, I work full-time plus in a whole other job, which may be part of why I've never felt at home in my role at the church, but I think it goes deeper than that, much deeper. Anyway, it is late, I am exhausted and feeling a bit sick...like I am fighting off some cooties, and I have alot of work to do yet tonight and need to leave early for work...so...enough for now!

Blessing of the Animals pt2

Update on this year's "Blessing" service...it rained! It rained, which is great in that we really need rain in this part of the country, but, not so great for an outside service. I made the decision to move the service into the Sanctuary...so...in this beautiful, very old Presbyterian Sanctuary last Sunday afternoon were about 20 folks, a bunch of dogs, and one cat! It was great! Three of the Session elders were at the service and are happy we did it that way...the other Elders probably would not be, but so far, I've not heard anything. Of course, I wouldn't hear anything because I work another full time job during the week as the church can't really afford a pastor. And, there was only a little bit of mud to clean up ( I had the forethought to bring "dog" towels from home just in case, so most of the mess could be wiped off at the door).
So, for a little while last Sunday, the Sanctuary was full of the praise of God for "all creatures here below".

Below you will find the Blessing of the Animals Service I did last year. It was the first time this church had ever done something like this, and it was a wonderful experience. Anyone who wants is welcome to use any part of it...
I am doing the service next Sunday this year (oct.12) and am using the same liturgy etc.---except possibly not using the "All Things Bright and Beautiful" hymn...it was a very difficult hymn to sing for a bunch of folks outside with no musical accompaniment. If anyone has any suggestions of an easier to sing hymn, please let me know.
For the Benediction, I used an adaptation of the Prayer of St. Francis.

Blessing of the Animals
Presbyterian Church
October 7, 2007

Welcome

Opening Prayer

Hymn All Things Bright and Beautiful

All things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small.
All things wise and wonderful; the Lord God made them all.

Each little flower that opens, each little bird that sings;
God made their glowing colors, God made their tiny wings.

All things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small.
All things wise and wonderful; the Lord God made them all.

God gave us eyes to see them, and lips that we might tell
How great is God Almighty, who has made all things well.

Scripture Readings
Psalm 148:1-10

Genesis 1:20-25

Litany for All Creation-read responsively

One: Gracious God, you created the heavens and the earth, the sea and all that is in them. You love the whole world—the sunshine and the rain that refresh the earth, the outgoings of the morning and the evening, the changing seasons, the plants that grace the earth and the animals that inhabit it.

All: You have given us the responsibility to love and care for all of creation. We confess that we are often indifferent and insensitive to your good creation. Forgive us, we pray, and help us to change our destructive habits, that we may be channels of your goodness.

One: We give thanks to you, O God, for the life and witness of all who have nurtured the earth—for prophets who remind us of our responsibility, for those who minister with tenderness to all living things, and for those who bring their healing touch to the creatures of your hand.

All: We give thanks to you, O God, for animals who live in our homes, on farms, in the wild, and in havens of refuge. Make us ever aware of our responsibility to your creatures, who in so many ways bless us. Help us to be faithful in our caring for them.

One: We remember before you in the silent and deep places of our hearts those animals who have died, and have been dear to us. At this time, we also remember and pray for the animals who are lost, separated from their owners, or are sick, hurting, or in danger.

All: Gracious God, help us to be good stewards of all you have blessed us with. Make us instruments of your peace, love and compassion, given freely to all of your good creation. Amen.

The Blessing
Animals and people come forward to receive God’s blessing.

Closing Prayer unison
Gracious God of abundance and love, we ask your continued blessing on every creature gathered here today, the large and the small. May we live peacefully in praise of you. Bless us all to love your creation, and to revere its sacredness. We ask this in the name of the One who was, is, and always will be; Eternal God to whom every creature belongs. Amen.

Benediction

Wow, it has been almost a month since I posted...this blogging thing is still very much in the exploration phase for me. I enjoy reading some folks blogs that are just about day-to-day life, yet I am not yet able to do that. For one, it seems like my life is very much the same every day, and it feels a bit self-indulgent, or something. I don't know what...
The biggest reason is what I mentioned in my last post...I am so busy with two jobs and a long commute that by the time I get home, I am out of energy and brain "juice"...so, this will be just an occassional thing for now, I guess...and it should not be another one of those things I feel guilty about not doing!!!
That being said...an update on my life---
---the four kittens who traveled all the way up north to be adopted are back! The professor ended up being a flake...long story, but here they are...so we are back to 7 kittens on the screen porch, only some of them are really no longer kittens...they are getting BIG! They are still very fun to watch and interact with (who needs TV when you have kittens???)
---daughter continues to struggle but better this week...thank you, God. I continue to pray that she be kept safe and healthy and can finish school soon.
---work continues to be more stressful with added responsiblities, and more to do at the church job...don't know yet how to fit it all in...praying for guidance, praying for peace...that "peace that passes understanding"...
---I still know, though, that life is very good, and that I am very blessed, and that God is very good!

Friday am...should be gone already but am catching up a bit on things here...home alone again...except, of course for all the aforementioned critters. Well, except, 4 of the kittens have been adopted...they went up North with spouse to daughter's home and from there to various professors etc at the vet school. It was amazingly hard to let them go, even knowing that they are going to excellent homes, and that of course, we can not keep all of them. Pretty quiet out on the scrren porch now, only 3 kittens left, and I think I might keep them. After daughter gets home, that will mean we will have "only" 12 cats...6 in the house, 3 on the screen orch, and 3 outside...dang...does that make me a crazy old cat lady???? Then there are the 6 dogs (one coming with daughter) and one horse. Oh well, this seems to be one of the ministries God has given to our family...to care for the least of these that have 4-legs.
I am tired of working all the time, and feeling overwelmed at the new responsibilites piled on to me at hospice, but, grace abounds, and it will all work out somehow...just don't know how.

It's been a few weeks since I've posted a comment on my blog...not sure why, except that my energy and "brain juice" have been more than used up by life. My spouse has been home for a little over a week, but is leaving again early Saturday. Daughter is doing/being much better, thank you God! I have long had a strong connection with birds, particularly hawks, eagles, and Canadian Geese. (hence the title of my blog and my blog identity) Yesterday, as I was driving to work, praying and crying, I was given a wonderful gift, and I am taking it as a "good" sign...a big flock of wild geese flying in V formation...that in and of itself is enough to make me smile and to make my spirit sing, but, in the midst of the flock was a totally white goose...how cool is that???? I thank God for that sign and reminder that all is well, all will be well, all is well indeed!

Adventures in living alone...well, alone as far as other 2-legged companions...there are. of course, the 4 cats, 5 dogs, 1 horse, and 7 kittens...not to mention the 2 feral mama's and one other kitten (Ziggy) that has continued to elude capture that live outside and I feed and water etc. My husband is up staying with daughter Dr. Dolittle, to help her recover from a variety of problems and finally finish school. She's been in school for many, many years and worked very hard, and is now within 2 months of being done with her doctorate, and for a variety of reasons I don't understand, seems to have hit a wall. Sometimes I wonder about that whole Old Testament thing about the "...sins of the father (or mother) being visited upon the children..." of course, that could just be my guilt and tendancy toward "over-responsibility" talking. Actually, like so many other things that have plagued me for years, I no longer care where the issue came from or why it still exists...I just want to transcend it. I believe in the transformative power of Jesus Christ, and I claim that for myself and my family. Meanwhile, here I am trying to do everything hubby did as well as everything I need to do, and of course, I semi-suck at it, But it's ok...or will be ok...

It's Friday night...a week since I last blogged...a week back at work (hospice---didn't take time off from church job last week) anyway, I am tired...bone deep weary pooped...and now I have to put the whole church thing into high gear. I know that it is the right thing for me to continue serving the church, for lots of reasons...practical ones like supporting my family, and spiritual ones, like it is what God has called me to do. But, I am tired of working 7 days a week. Additionally, there has been a great deal of added stress this week from Dr. Doolittle child-o-mine. I agonize over how to help her...can I even help her??? I pray for her alot...all the time...and am sending her Dad up to stay with her for awhile...which means I will be on my own with my 2 jobs and way too many animals to care for, and my 110 mile a day minimum commute which means I am gone from home over 12 hours a day. Ok...enough whining. This whole blogging thing continues to be very strange to me..and I suspect that I am essentially writing to myself..and maybe God...as I am fairly certain no one else ever reads this blog...which I guess is ok. I have to admit, though, that I think I would like to connect with others through blogging...just don't really know how to do that. I guess it will happen at some point...or not...meanwhile, I will keep at it...if for no other reason than I made a commitment to myself that I would.

It is the 4th of July, a day of celebration and parties and fireworks...and me...well, I am currently still in my jammies, working on a sermon for Sunday, surrounded by some of the dogs and cats I share my life with...and I like it. I am an introvert..too much of a one, I think, but I don't know what to do about it. I've always had introvert tendancies, but after a significant health event many years ago, am definitely an introvert. I've reached the age in life where I'm more into accepting myself as I am than struggling to change the things that don't really matter...but...there are times when being a bit more extroverted would come in quite handy. I am a pastor, after all...I am supposed to reach out to and engage people...ah well. As for my 4th, well, grilled hot dogs and homemade German potato salad and blueberry cobbler on the menu, sermon writing and cleaning out a closet or 2 on the work end of things, and then trying to keep the dogs and the horse semi-calm when the neighborhood redneck types start in with the fireworks. The best thing about the day, though, is not having to drive the 55 mile one way commute to my hospice chaplain job, and getting to just "be" with my family, both "2-legged" and "4-legged". Thank you God for days off.

I went to my friend's funeral last Saturday morning, and I learned a few things about him...like, he was not "socially awkward" in his call to the church and community that he served...it made me think. He was, it seemed, out of place at seminary, but then, so was I...very much so, in fact. So much so that at the funeral, only one of the 3 folks I saw from seminary even acknowleged me.(yes, I smiled at and acknowleged them) I really do try to avoid "obsessive naval gazing" yet, the experience did bring a flood of memories...none of them pleasant...about my time in seminary. I went to seminary because God called me to go...I went out of obedience. I did not fit in there....and the longer I was there, the more apparent this became. So what? one might ask...so what, indeed. God has called me to 2 jobs that seem to be a good "fit" for me. I am, as best I can tell, respected and am able to minister to people in a way that is meaningful for them...some folks probably would even say they "like" me. How quickly, though, do those painful memories of the recent past(and that are tied to many memories of the more distant past) come slithering and screeching out of their hiding places to torment me yet again. It is only by the grace of God that I am able to re-gain my center...although, admittedly, there is much to learn and process from all this, I think. I do so only as it serves to further my ability to serve God by serving his people...not to indulge in sorry self pity and obsessive naval gazing. May God have mercy on me.

death

Late today, I learned of the death of a friend of mine...I met him in seminary and we work in the same presbytery. He was rather socially awkward, but had a wonderful heart and spirit, and in recent years his life really came together. He got married, and he and his wife had just adopted a baby from a foreign country...an adoption they had been working on for a year. D. participated in my ordination just over a year ago, he and I served communion together, and before we started the communion liturgy, he said some wonderfully sweet and touching things about me and my struggle to get through seminary. (it was very difficult for me for a few very good reasons...long story...maybe for another post at another time) He helped me during seminary, which I know was not easy for him as he was a very detail oriented person and I am rather scattered at best, and I was especially scattered while under the stress of seminary.
He was killed in a car wreck...I don't know what happened...I guess the details don't really matter, yet we always seem to want to know. I am sad, very sad...for his wife, for the son who never got a chance to know the daddy who loved him for so long from such a great distance. Sometimes, life just sucks.

sign of the times

Yesterday, someone, it seems, stole a bit of gasoline from my car, while it was parked in the parking lot at work, in the middle of the afternoon! It is a small lot, as these things go...I work at a 12-bed in-patient hospice unit. The cook observed someone suspicious near my car as she was taking garbage out...and after she thought about it, she came and told me and other co-workers whose cars were parked nearby to go check our cars. I have an older car, so she does not have a locking gas cap. The gas cap was unscrewed and just barely sitting inside of the latch door thingy, and my gas tank was a bit lighter than when I got to work that morning. I think that this is something that will happen with more frequency as people get increasingly desparate due to rising gas and grocery costs. I did not want to call the sheriff, but it was not my decision...the manager of the unit called, but fortunately, I did not have to "make a complaint". This is how I look at it....hopefully, he needed it more than I did. Which is not to say life is easy for me right now financially. I, by neccessity, live 55 miles one-way from where I work, and have to go there a minimum of 5-days per week...often 6. I also drive alot for my job, visiting people in their homes and nursing homes. My spouse's workplace closed one year ago, and he has been unable to find another job, so we live on my income....which is much lower than what his was. We are still very blessed, I want to affirm that loud and clear, but it is "tight", especially when I am having to spend about $140 per week on gas. So, all that being said, I just feel sad that folks have to try and steal gasoline in broad daylight out of a hospice parking lot. God help us all...and may we, as a country, learn to livc more simply.

thoughts on blogging...well, the truth is, I did not think I would become a blogger...it seems strange in many ways to keep a journal of sorts that maybe others might read....or not. That's one curious thing...if no one leaves a comment, then how do you know if anyone actually reads your blog? And, does it even matter if anyone else ever reads your blog?
I know this...my life has been enriched by reading other's blogs, and the time feels right now to start my own. Don't know where this will lead, if anywhere. It does create a sense of community that would otherwise not be available to me. I live in a very rural area, and work 2 jobs,(requiring long commutes) so essentially work 7 days a week. Also, I have found that being a pastor/chaplain means that there are ways in which you can't, or shouldn't connect with those in your congregation/workplace. So, we'll see.

Kittens, kittens, and more kittens...
I live in the woods, out in the boonies, and recently some feral cat mama's had kittens in the hay shed....3 litters for a total of 10 kittens. We've caught all but one of the kittens, and they are now happily living on our large, screened in back porch. So far, only one has been adopted. It is "kitten season" everyone, it seems, has kittens to give away. We are doing shots and wormer and everything else, and praying for good homes for them. We already have 4 house cats, and 5 dogs...all "rescued" animals that came to us one way or another. It is my belief that animals are amongst the "least of these" that we are to care for...and then there is the whole "good steward" thing...so, here we are God, with kittens, kittens and more kittens. Please send loving homes for them...

Last week, on a very hot, humid summer afternoon, I was called to be a chaplain with folks keeping vigil on a high river bank, waiting for divers to find the body of a young man, presumed drowned. I arrived on the scene soon after the rescue folk...and before his family began to arrive. It seems that a group of young people were doing what young people sometimes do on hot summer days...they were swimming, drinking, and having fun. The young woman who tried to save him was alternating between hysteria and interacting with her friends in a "normal" way. The palpable tension was a study in contrast to the peaceful setting...the river flowing over rocks, the green shadows of the woods, the smell of the earth and the water...As I watched his mother rush down over the rocks and railroads tracks that had to be navigated to get to the site, I thought about how it is...a day among days...when you are working, maybe complaining about gas prices and the heat, and the call comes, and in an instant everything changes...everything. Nothing will ever be the same.
The images of that day will stay with me for a long time, as well. That night my restless dreams were filled with images of the river, of tears and pain and waiting, of young, healthy bodies filled with life, on the edge of death. My heart was heavy, my soul felt bruised. Interestingly, I felt this intense ache and sadness until his body was found, some 24hrs after he drowned. I was surprised that it began to ease after that...surprised, actually, that I felt so affected by it...I am used to entering the suffering with people, I spend my days standing in the gap between life and death with people...the dying and those who love them. I am a hospice chaplain...it is a ministry of presence....being willing and able, by the grace of God, to walk that journey with folks, often walking just ahead of them to lead the way, so to speak.
Lots of mystery...lots to ponder. As I said, this one will stay with me for a very long time. I know it is a "cliche" but, tell your loved ones that you love them, and savor every bit of this sweet, sweet life.

This is a test...this is only a test. If this were a real blog post, I would know what I was doing!