death

Late today, I learned of the death of a friend of mine...I met him in seminary and we work in the same presbytery. He was rather socially awkward, but had a wonderful heart and spirit, and in recent years his life really came together. He got married, and he and his wife had just adopted a baby from a foreign country...an adoption they had been working on for a year. D. participated in my ordination just over a year ago, he and I served communion together, and before we started the communion liturgy, he said some wonderfully sweet and touching things about me and my struggle to get through seminary. (it was very difficult for me for a few very good reasons...long story...maybe for another post at another time) He helped me during seminary, which I know was not easy for him as he was a very detail oriented person and I am rather scattered at best, and I was especially scattered while under the stress of seminary.
He was killed in a car wreck...I don't know what happened...I guess the details don't really matter, yet we always seem to want to know. I am sad, very sad...for his wife, for the son who never got a chance to know the daddy who loved him for so long from such a great distance. Sometimes, life just sucks.

sign of the times

Yesterday, someone, it seems, stole a bit of gasoline from my car, while it was parked in the parking lot at work, in the middle of the afternoon! It is a small lot, as these things go...I work at a 12-bed in-patient hospice unit. The cook observed someone suspicious near my car as she was taking garbage out...and after she thought about it, she came and told me and other co-workers whose cars were parked nearby to go check our cars. I have an older car, so she does not have a locking gas cap. The gas cap was unscrewed and just barely sitting inside of the latch door thingy, and my gas tank was a bit lighter than when I got to work that morning. I think that this is something that will happen with more frequency as people get increasingly desparate due to rising gas and grocery costs. I did not want to call the sheriff, but it was not my decision...the manager of the unit called, but fortunately, I did not have to "make a complaint". This is how I look at it....hopefully, he needed it more than I did. Which is not to say life is easy for me right now financially. I, by neccessity, live 55 miles one-way from where I work, and have to go there a minimum of 5-days per week...often 6. I also drive alot for my job, visiting people in their homes and nursing homes. My spouse's workplace closed one year ago, and he has been unable to find another job, so we live on my income....which is much lower than what his was. We are still very blessed, I want to affirm that loud and clear, but it is "tight", especially when I am having to spend about $140 per week on gas. So, all that being said, I just feel sad that folks have to try and steal gasoline in broad daylight out of a hospice parking lot. God help us all...and may we, as a country, learn to livc more simply.

thoughts on blogging...well, the truth is, I did not think I would become a blogger...it seems strange in many ways to keep a journal of sorts that maybe others might read....or not. That's one curious thing...if no one leaves a comment, then how do you know if anyone actually reads your blog? And, does it even matter if anyone else ever reads your blog?
I know this...my life has been enriched by reading other's blogs, and the time feels right now to start my own. Don't know where this will lead, if anywhere. It does create a sense of community that would otherwise not be available to me. I live in a very rural area, and work 2 jobs,(requiring long commutes) so essentially work 7 days a week. Also, I have found that being a pastor/chaplain means that there are ways in which you can't, or shouldn't connect with those in your congregation/workplace. So, we'll see.

Kittens, kittens, and more kittens...
I live in the woods, out in the boonies, and recently some feral cat mama's had kittens in the hay shed....3 litters for a total of 10 kittens. We've caught all but one of the kittens, and they are now happily living on our large, screened in back porch. So far, only one has been adopted. It is "kitten season" everyone, it seems, has kittens to give away. We are doing shots and wormer and everything else, and praying for good homes for them. We already have 4 house cats, and 5 dogs...all "rescued" animals that came to us one way or another. It is my belief that animals are amongst the "least of these" that we are to care for...and then there is the whole "good steward" thing...so, here we are God, with kittens, kittens and more kittens. Please send loving homes for them...

Last week, on a very hot, humid summer afternoon, I was called to be a chaplain with folks keeping vigil on a high river bank, waiting for divers to find the body of a young man, presumed drowned. I arrived on the scene soon after the rescue folk...and before his family began to arrive. It seems that a group of young people were doing what young people sometimes do on hot summer days...they were swimming, drinking, and having fun. The young woman who tried to save him was alternating between hysteria and interacting with her friends in a "normal" way. The palpable tension was a study in contrast to the peaceful setting...the river flowing over rocks, the green shadows of the woods, the smell of the earth and the water...As I watched his mother rush down over the rocks and railroads tracks that had to be navigated to get to the site, I thought about how it is...a day among days...when you are working, maybe complaining about gas prices and the heat, and the call comes, and in an instant everything changes...everything. Nothing will ever be the same.
The images of that day will stay with me for a long time, as well. That night my restless dreams were filled with images of the river, of tears and pain and waiting, of young, healthy bodies filled with life, on the edge of death. My heart was heavy, my soul felt bruised. Interestingly, I felt this intense ache and sadness until his body was found, some 24hrs after he drowned. I was surprised that it began to ease after that...surprised, actually, that I felt so affected by it...I am used to entering the suffering with people, I spend my days standing in the gap between life and death with people...the dying and those who love them. I am a hospice chaplain...it is a ministry of presence....being willing and able, by the grace of God, to walk that journey with folks, often walking just ahead of them to lead the way, so to speak.
Lots of mystery...lots to ponder. As I said, this one will stay with me for a very long time. I know it is a "cliche" but, tell your loved ones that you love them, and savor every bit of this sweet, sweet life.

This is a test...this is only a test. If this were a real blog post, I would know what I was doing!